How is it possible that it’s easier for me to write a software than write a book? Why it is indeed easier? It’s easier because I’ve spent on writing software last 4 or more years and I’ve just gained some experience in it. That’s all about it. I know how to design UML diagrams of my application I know how to do ERD diagrams of my databases I know the process. But I don’t know the process of writing a book – I have never done it before and by the way when was it last time I have written an essay? Yeap long ago. Not mentioning I was deliberately avoiding the whole humanistic point of view since few years back. Why would I even do that?
Now I have few options I can take myself into account I mean I will consider my writing to be a part of my life or I can reject it as I did that before telling myself I’m not suitable for that, it will not pay off and it is totally meaningless. The second path is really not an option. I know it already – it ends really badly. On the other hand the first one is terrifying. It leaves the space for being me. And what it means to actually be me? How do I know that writing is what I really want?
The answer is quite simple but we should go back in time and ask myself few questions. If you have asked me at age 7: what do you want to do when you grow up? I would answer I would write a book. If you have asked me at age of 13 the same question I would answer I would write that book I have on my mind. If you have asked me that question at age of 16 I would answer Yeah you know I would like to write like my recent story got published in some niche book but I need to make living somehow so I’d better focus on make living part of my life. Ha! There it is – make living part of my life – that was something that I was focusing on for last years. There was no space reserved for me there, there was some stolen space like when I wrote a diary sometimes or when I wrote some short summaries of events for different purposes or when I wrote that short text for a competition that got’s me my dreamed holiday as a prise but I have never ever admitted aloud that “Hey dude, this space is for you – you own it” it was rather like “You know there is no space for you but I know you like it so much so know my kindness I will turn a blind eye on that but after that you better go away!”. It was more like an unwanted guest not a beloved member of the family. So that’s how I know that.
I can even remember banning myself from taking humanistics subjects on my finals in high school to not turn into humanistic studies anyhow even accidently. How does it happend that I’ve just banned myself from everything I cared about? Probably I was sick and tired of this re-occuring chorus that the marekt is over-saturated with people who ended humanistics studies which was kind of general statement but it hit me badly. What was I suppose to do after that? Nobody needs me there, they won’t even pay me anything if I will indeed finish those studies it doesn’t look like a comfy place for shy introverts willing to create. Probably it was already full of shy introverts willing to create and I wasn’t willing to be one of thousands I would prefer to be unique so stupidly and very romantically I have chosen a place where there was nearly no possibility to find shy introverts willing to write novels. Because will you look for such people in Control engineering and robotics studies? I bet no, at least I wouldn’t. So that was the choice. But it almost killed my soul. How was I suppose to find anybody like me? Where to look for soulmates? I was the one who struggle with math poetically thinking “Math is a queen of science” and not so poetically sweating blood trying to solve 3rd order differential equations, trusting it’s all for good and (God save me!) believing I need to know how to do that kind of things to make living. Don’t get me wrong I do respect utility of 3rd order differential equations but I don’t think I will be a scientist any soon so why be so serious about it? To make it also clear I wasn’t that bad after all I scored 5 out of 5.5 grade scale and based on my thesis there was an article in Springer published so it was a kind of achievement for me. You know for something that you hate? What will happen when I do what I like? Will I won a Pulitzer? I’m just kidding – I just learned how to think logically and how to be persistant.
Here we come to the question to write a software or to write a book. First is easy – I know the process I was taught how to do that. The second not so easy. But why I have read all of this books like: “Don’t go back to school” or “Better than college”? It was for a reason. I don’t need a degree to do that I can learn on the way by myself.